ive been thinkin alot. seein stuff. hearin stuff. it made me wonder.. why cant people jus stop with the masks and facades. when u love someone, why is it so hard to let others know tht u have a significant other?
is it fear? of bein outcasted. shunned? beaten up. frowned upon?
sometimes there are so many different masks tht i become confused. im not sure whos the real person underneath it all anymore.

dont get me wrong. im not bein unreasonable, possessive, crazy or demandin. i know how much xan loves me. i mean, he goes out of his way to do stuff for me. he says sappy stuff jus because he knows it makes me smile.
its jus tht. now tht im startin to spend more time with his bunch of new friends, im startin to see how there are certain rules tht we gotta stick to. simply because they dont know. i hate it cause it makes me feel like were some dirty lil secret. yet i know he doesnt feel tht way. its jus tht damned SOMETHING. it comes really naturally to him. cause.. well he does like them wretched females. but i hate how i have to watch and laugh when girls try to get his attention. its not fair.

and it makes me sad.
not angry cause i know its not his fault. its just.. i really hate how the world works sometimes.
i know i know. i can alrdy imagine a bunch of mates already tellin me how i have so much to be thankful for. and believe me, i am. sometimes i still cant believe how much he actually does love me. i jus ughh. hate. hate his whole public facade.
i wish we were back home with our own grp of friends.

how can something make one so happy, and so sad the next minute.