I don't know how everything became such a fucking mess. I don't know what I was thinking when I chose not to make things clear.
Now that it has all come down to this, I've only got myself to blame. I know I've broken your trust, your faith in me. And I could say I'm sorry a thousand times and it wouldn't make a difference to you.. but I really am, Ryan.
I hate how I'm still hurting you even though I'm supposed to be setting things right. But I couldn't help it and I didn't want to lie anymore. What I had to say to her, hurts. To me and to her. And I know even more so to you. But I promise you (Even though I know it's not worth much now.) that it will get better and I don't ever want to give us up. I do care about her, but I never loved her. Not the way I do you.
You mean so much to me and you have no idea how thankful I am that you're not going to leave, that you're not gonna turn and walk away. Because I know I deserve that if you do.
So please forgive my "spacing out" the past few days.. I had so much to think through. But like you said, we'll come out stronger than before and I swear on my life that this time, I won't screw it up.

I had a good time last night. We should do it again soon :)

All my love,
Xan