prettyboyofmine.

2007-01-02T16:14:00.000-08:00

I just remembered, that time at the market
snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart
And rode down, aisle 5
you looked behind you to smile back at me
crashed into a rack full of magazines
they asked us, if we could leave.

Can't remember, what went wrong last September
though i'm sure you'd remind me, if you had to
Our love was, comfortable and
so broken in

I sleep with this new girl i'm still getting used to
my friends all approve, say 'shes gonna be good for you'
they throw me, high fives

She says the bible is all that she reads
and prefers that I not use profanity
your mouth was, so dirty
Life of the partyand she swears that she's artsy
but you could distinguish
Miles from Coltrane

Our love was, comfortable and
so broken in
she's perfect, so flawless
or so they say, hey

She thinks I can't see the smile that shes faking
and poses for pictures that aren't being taken
I loved you
grey sweat pants, no makeup, so perfect

Our love was, comfortable and
so broken in
she's perfect, so flawless
I'm not impressed, I want you back again.

2006-12-01T18:38:00.000-08:00

weve been together 4 yrs now and weve known each other for almost 9. its been one helluva long ride huh.. and it has finally come to an end.
im not even mad anymore xander... im jus.. tired. so fuckin tired. i cant play ur games anymore, cant handle ur hot and cold behavior. its driven me almost to the point of insanity. hahaa. im not tht strong love.
u said u dont understand. u told them u dont know what uve done wrong. do u really not know? uve got to be a least a little aware. weve been quarrellin over the smallest thing. how long has it been since we went a week without us havin a spat over another fuckin girl. if u know im sensitive to issues like tht. why do u insist on pushin my buttons all the damn time.

uve been gd to me xander. i know tht. and believe me aly, j, dam, em and spiky never let me forget tht. u took care of me and whatever i wanted, most of the time, ud give it to me. but ure like the weather. so unpredictable. i havent got a clue when ure gonna start ignorin me again, leavin me on my own, goin off for a short fling w another girl. its like havin a schizo for a boyfriend u know tht? one minute ure nice and sweet and the next, ure cold and unfamiliar. then u become sweet again. it came to the point where i cant bring myself to really enjoy the good times we spend together cause i cant stop thinkin about the moment when it all gets taken away again. the moment u feel like ure bein too domesticated, too involved in me. im always on my fuckin toes.

i dont wanna play ur games anymore xander... please let me go. i cant take this neverendin push and pull. it grates on my heart too much, makes it a little harder to breathe everytime u push me away again. this time round, u can beg and plead, fall to ur knees, shed the rare tears u have, but im done with this love. i aint gonna put myself thru this anymore.. ive really really had enough..

i know they all think im crazy to leave u. ure the best catch i could ever get and im lettin u slip away. i know how many girls wont hesitate to take ur hand but u chose to take mine. they think i should be so bloody thankful. but then again, they havent been in my shoes either.
with the gd comes the bad. i know what tht means now. with ur gd looks, came the crazy attitude. hahaa.

i talked to mama bout this. even talked to kyle. bet u dint even know tht huh. hahaa. tried to persuade me to do otherwise. but i dont think i have it in me anymore xander. especially not aft seein the chats uve had behind my back.

so for all the times u doubted me and made me feel like crap. for all the times u played around. with kirk then kyle then cassie then stace then audrey. for all the times u showed how u were ashamed of our relationship. for all the times u looked right through me in the crowd. for all the times u made me feel like i wasnt worth ur while.
i bid them all, a last goodbye.

for all the times u said u loved me. for all the times u cared. for all the times u made me feel like i was the center of ur universe. for all the sweet surprises uve sprung on me.
for all the love we shared, all the love we made, everythin we experienced together, i thank u. sincerely. u really have taught me so much, love. and for tht, id always appreciate what we had.

so with this, a chapter closes. and a new one begins. since she was gracious enough to give her regards and best wishes. i shall do the same. best of luck with the girl who now holds ur heart. and i wish u both the best.

2006-12-01T03:16:00.000-08:00

ryans done.
(:

the end!

2006-11-23T21:04:00.000-08:00

love is always patient and kind; love is never jealous; love is not boastful or conceited, it is never rude and never seeks its own advantage, it does not take offense or store up grievances. love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but finds its joy in the truth. it is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes. love never comes to an end.

to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part.

with this ring i thee wed: with my body i thee worship: and with all my worldly goods i thee endow. forever and ever.

2006-11-12T16:18:00.000-08:00

god. its as if ure married already......

-inserts xans horror-filled face.

hahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahahhaahahaha
hahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahhahaahahhahahahahah
hahahahahhahahahhahahahahhaahahahahahahhahahahah
ahhahahahahahahhahaahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahah
ahhahahahahhaahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahaha
hhahaahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahahhaa
hahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahhahaahahhahah
ahahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahahhaahahahahahahhah
ahahahahhahahahahahahhahaahahhahahahahahhahahaha
hhahahahhahahahahhaahahahahahahhahahahahahhahaha

baby ure too cute. hahaa

2006-10-21T12:49:00.000-07:00

nate, emm, aly
i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee u guys like TTTTHHHHIIIIIISSSSSSSSS much! really (: i miss yall so so so so much its crazy.

ser i miss u heaps and heaps too. but i think.. ima be seein u soon yes. (:

and i still think ure an asshole kyky.
hahahaa.

2006-10-20T17:49:00.000-07:00

I don't know how everything became such a fucking mess. I don't know what I was thinking when I chose not to make things clear.
Now that it has all come down to this, I've only got myself to blame. I know I've broken your trust, your faith in me. And I could say I'm sorry a thousand times and it wouldn't make a difference to you.. but I really am, Ryan.
I hate how I'm still hurting you even though I'm supposed to be setting things right. But I couldn't help it and I didn't want to lie anymore. What I had to say to her, hurts. To me and to her. And I know even more so to you. But I promise you (Even though I know it's not worth much now.) that it will get better and I don't ever want to give us up. I do care about her, but I never loved her. Not the way I do you.
You mean so much to me and you have no idea how thankful I am that you're not going to leave, that you're not gonna turn and walk away. Because I know I deserve that if you do.
So please forgive my "spacing out" the past few days.. I had so much to think through. But like you said, we'll come out stronger than before and I swear on my life that this time, I won't screw it up.

I had a good time last night. We should do it again soon :)

All my love,
Xan

2006-10-07T04:37:00.000-07:00

ive been thinkin alot. seein stuff. hearin stuff. it made me wonder.. why cant people jus stop with the masks and facades. when u love someone, why is it so hard to let others know tht u have a significant other?
is it fear? of bein outcasted. shunned? beaten up. frowned upon?
sometimes there are so many different masks tht i become confused. im not sure whos the real person underneath it all anymore.

dont get me wrong. im not bein unreasonable, possessive, crazy or demandin. i know how much xan loves me. i mean, he goes out of his way to do stuff for me. he says sappy stuff jus because he knows it makes me smile.
its jus tht. now tht im startin to spend more time with his bunch of new friends, im startin to see how there are certain rules tht we gotta stick to. simply because they dont know. i hate it cause it makes me feel like were some dirty lil secret. yet i know he doesnt feel tht way. its jus tht damned SOMETHING. it comes really naturally to him. cause.. well he does like them wretched females. but i hate how i have to watch and laugh when girls try to get his attention. its not fair.

and it makes me sad.
not angry cause i know its not his fault. its just.. i really hate how the world works sometimes.
i know i know. i can alrdy imagine a bunch of mates already tellin me how i have so much to be thankful for. and believe me, i am. sometimes i still cant believe how much he actually does love me. i jus ughh. hate. hate his whole public facade.
i wish we were back home with our own grp of friends.

how can something make one so happy, and so sad the next minute.

2006-10-01T18:15:00.000-07:00

^{Hello Rylie
This is your Lexy
See I'm such a sweet hubby
Writing you a little note of love
It's been such a blast having you here with me
And how I wish you'd stay forever but I know that aint possible
I'm really sorry that I leave you all alone at home when I go to school
I know how boring it must be, and your little pouts are testimony
But now I'm seein you laugh at something on your screen
Makes me wanna hug and kiss you real badly
Although I don't say it all the time
But I do love you heaps okay
So don't be sad no more
And always smile
For me.
:)}

2006-08-28T06:33:00.000-07:00

so i made the decision to let go. heh. im feelin pretty alright actually :) really. so yall dont worry bout me yea.. and no ive not gone crazy either. haa.
ive thought really long about it, cried till my tear ducts ran dry.and decided tht this really might be better off for the both of us.
afterall, its not as if weve been actin much like a couple anyway.. truthfully, im kinda glad i dint get a response across the weekend cos it would have made me hesitate.
in anycase it has been one helluva long ride huh. haa. ups and downs. but nothins quite the same now.. im tired, ure tired. i think our mates are tired too. hahaa.
so this is it. u take care of urself yea. dont party too hard and really, have fun doin what ure best at.

2006-08-25T23:52:00.000-07:00

so tired

emotionless:(

2006-07-30T15:12:00.000-07:00

i think i was goin thru one of my weird phases of the month. i know ive been such a bitch to u.
im sorry baby. really :(
i miss u. and i love u like a fat kid loves cake :)

2006-07-20T03:56:00.000-07:00

feelin: mellow :)

jus came bac from a walk round the estate. twice. hahaa.. was good though :) glad we talked everythin out. tears washed away all the bad stuff.
times like these that i missed/will treasure the most. stayin up hangin out talkin. ur hugs feel like home.

2006-07-11T00:31:00.000-07:00

so..... yeah. we made up. ure such a drama princess. its amazin how u can make mt everest out of a molehill. u dont know how lucky u are. u need to tape down ur ugly green chest monster. i know i know i know i know! hahaa.
hey, im human ok. we all have flaws.

hes also arrivin on sat. i have the bestest and sweetest boy ever :)))

2006-07-04T22:56:00.000-07:00

what is it about kyle that everyone likes so much?
i dont... get it. >_<

and even tho im not american, happy fourth of july!

2006-06-26T21:28:00.000-07:00

paul ted and ser came over! were gonna be watching italy vs aust on the big big big tv tht daddy just bought. hahahaa :))
GO SOCCEROOS!!!!! were sooooo gonna win! yes j, u can say im delusional all u want. i.. uh, have faith :p

nate.. ure a gd mate. thanks hey :)
and u faghags i love yall as well. HAHAHAA :D
spiky rocks :)

2006-06-24T23:01:00.000-07:00

u know how sometimes when we quarrel with a loved one, its the worst time of our lives. the shouts, the hurtful things we say, the tears we cry. it sucks and we just wished things would be better again.

but u know what hurts more. when it has come to the point of silence. where theres nothin left to say. where u know tht he aint got anythin more that he wants to say to u. where u know tht all tht he wants now, is time away from u.
and jus when u thought it couldnt hurt any more, u see him gainin back some semblance of his normal life. u couldnt stop thinkin about it, but he seemed as tho he could care less. u could hardly breathe, yet he had breath for laughter.
for the very very first time, i get the feelin tht this really, is it. and the strange thing is, i dont even know what i did tht was so bad, tht it made u decide to give this up.
he told me it had been buildin up inside u for quite some time. but ur affection towards me few days ago sure didnt seem like it..
the opposite of love is not hate. its indifference. how very true indeed.

_{imisshimsomuchandidontknowwhattosay}

2006-06-22T08:08:00.000-07:00

sometimes i think.. theres too much drama in my life to be real. does that sound right..? haa. anyway, yea. i wish things could be simpler. but it cant ever be, can it.. life never seems to want me to be happy for long. throws me a loop every few steps i take. i dont know what i did that made u change ur mind. i thought things were gonna be okay. but i guess i was wrong huh.
perhaps u thought bout it and felt that ive been too willful, perhaps u felt uve jus had enough and u deserve to be treated so much better. im sorry tho. for all the times i pushed ur buttons, even when i knew u always put me first.
i know he told u its better to let it go. but please dont. please dont let us go. i still want that place of our own. i still want our joely. so lets give it time like u promised we would okay..

2006-06-22T08:01:00.000-07:00

first post! :) thanks for all the help em..